Hello, I’d like to take a moment to introduce myself and make something perfectly clear. I’m Quamia, and I dislike first dates. I mean I seriously loathe them. For the past 4 years I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid first dates like the bubonic plague, but then a ludicrous idea creeped its way into my mind. I suddenly had the desire to go on a first date.
I really wish someone would’ve slapped some sense into my head at that very moment. It would’ve saved me the humiliation and torture that so often accompanies first dates.
I guess God felt like having himself a bit of entertainment on my behalf because I found myself in one of the most awkward and embarrassing predicaments ever.
First, my date didn’t show up on time (do they ever). After literally changing my shirt 6 times before finally deciding to wear the first one I tried on, I glanced at the clock and noticed it was time for my date to arrive. Hmm, the clock is ticking and my prospective “Mr. Right” is nowhere in sight. Now I’m starting to become a little disappointed as the thought of being stood up crosses my mind.
Of course no one wants to get stood up. It’s the absolute worst scenario that could happen in a situation like this.
To my relief, my date does show up (nearly twenty minutes late). He asks if I mind that we’re late for the movie that I previously told him that I didn’t want to be late for. Of course I tell him that I don’t mind when in fact I’m irritated because I missed the first 5 minutes of the movie and now I have to guess what’s going on.
Now we’re sitting in a dark theatre, and of course my date has to hog up both arm rests. Um, excuse me. Would you mind leaving some room for me? I don’t actually say this. Instead I politely move to the next seat. Now there’s this awkward space between us and my date is now giving me this strange stare as he wonders to himself why I moved over a seat.
As we’re watching the movie, which is not that enthralling, I can’t help pulling my cell phone out every 5 minutes as I count down the minutes to the end of this torturous experience with anticipated glee.
After what feels like an eternity, the end credits begin rolling across the screen. I can’t hop out of my seat fast enough. Of course my date wants to discuss the movie which I barely paid any attention to. I make an abrupt exit to the ladies room to avoid further conversation.
While in the bathroom, I notice my wig is out of place, so I take it off and start adjusting it. It takes me nearly 15 minutes to finally get my wig into correct place. That’s what I get for taking the easy way out. I should’ve just styled my hair instead of opting to wear a wig.
Once I depart the restroom, my date gives me a weird look. I know he thinks I was in the bathroom so long because I was taking a number 2, but at this point I really don’t care what he thinks. I’m just ready to get out of there and go home.
Once my date drops me off, we sit in awkward silence as both of us ponder how to acquire the courage to either ask for a second date or politely brush the other person off.
In my mind I’m thinking this date was an utter disaster. He’s thinking the date went pretty well and he definitely has a shot for another one.
This is why I dislike first dates. We go through all of this extra trouble just to spend time with someone we barely know. Often times, instead of the night ending with fireworks and a guaranteed second date, it ends with unfulfilled expectations and “change my number” added to our to do lists; however, first dates are inevitable if we desire to meet that special someone who will knock us off our feet and have us comitting the rest of our lives to them.
I guess first dates aren’t that bad. I just prefer having them with the person I love. This way I get to wake up each day to my significant other and relive our first moments each day: our first date, our first kiss, the first time we said ‘I love you’ to each other, the first time we said ‘I do’, and the first time we made love.